I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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