You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
