I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's blow job season.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
