He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
