you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
