I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i now understand why vodka
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
