my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
