apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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