A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
