dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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