i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
