I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
