help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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