I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
