..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
