It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
