I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
