You made me cry and you don't even care
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
