Having a random hookup so left but love u
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
