Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
