Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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