sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
