Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
