sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
