My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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