I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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