dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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