I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
