lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
