So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
