I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
