Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
