I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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