I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
