Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
