..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
