The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
