You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
