I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Boobs speak an international language.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
