standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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