i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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