I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dignity is for republicans.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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