I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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