It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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