We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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