This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
