Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
