Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
