Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
