We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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