it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
