Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize