I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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