You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
