her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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