WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
