You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize