my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
