Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
