Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
