I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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