So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
