So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
