I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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