Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
