I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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