Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
