Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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