is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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