dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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