I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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