I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
