worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who wears a wallet chain?!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
