I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
