I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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