I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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