Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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