dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
