just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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