It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
